I’m not a fan of church stewardship campaigns.  I’m especially not fond of guest speakers delivering testimonies for the purpose of raising funds over raising faith.

A few weeks ago, though, I was pleasantly surprised, when I realized words were coming at me worth listening to.  I caught my breath and scribbled notes on the bulletin's white space as the speaker elegantly mentioned, almost as an after-thought:

"People carry around things we were never made to carry."

As it landed on me, I naturally considered:

What am I still carrying around in my own life that I was never made to carry?

Physically ~ Mentally ~ Financially ~ Emotionally ~ Spiritually

I happily give myself lots of credit for all I have already put down. Still, there are always places where I can lighten my load.  It then dawned on me that the Truth Experience is not about the art of getting more done, meeting more goals, or even experiencing more things.

The Truth Experience begins by putting things down:

• Old stories that no longer serve who I am today and where I am going
• Stuff hanging around that creates opportunity to dust rather than play
• Errands that drain pleasure faster than a Hummer burns fuel
• Rule books that shackle me down vs. flexible structure that allows me to fly

In order to clear space for Truth.
Open space for play.
Create space for rest.
And in the stillness of that space,
Hear God and master the language of Grace.

That language comes with a keen eye for discernment.  When putting stuff down, we will inevitably choose to pick something up to fill the space that has just been cleared.  The ability of “intentional choice” becomes a gift and we begin thriving in "proaction" toward what calls our soul in the moment. (Proaction is a word in my vocabulary, by the way.)

One of my brilliant clients thought about extending this wish to someone the other day: “With all love and respect, and valuing your contribution to the team, I invite you to consider letting this go.”

Whatever “this” is, I agree!
Whatever you carry that you were never made to carry,
Put it down. Hand it over. Let it go.

• Open your car windows and picture it flying out the passenger side disappearing in your rear view mirror.
• Let it wash down the shower drain.
• Write the story and then burn it, in ceremony, to honor the past and celebrate the space you’ve created for the future.
• Wrap it up in a pretty mental bow and hold it up to God to transform it into good and return it to its rightful owner.

That last one puts a whole new spin on “re-gifting” doesn't it?  My hunch is that this is what the Christmas season is really all about.

What are you carrying around that you weren’t made to carry?
Give yourself a gift this year.
Put it down.
Grace will gather it up for you and clear the way.

In Truth & With Love,

To choose to be living in this space of what I want creates freedom.
To choose not to be creates resistance.

To be or not to be all of me,
Had become my question.

Do I conform to rules and chain myself to the “normal” way to make money, design my career, lose weight, or live life?

Or do I listen to my soul which guides me to create work out of play, revel in the awe and love of my family and friends, ditch structures that no longer serve, and be kind to my brilliant body that adjusts intuitively to support all of this activity?

You know the answer.
And so do I.

I choose plan "Be."

More and more often these days,
I find myself creating a magical life,
Thriving outside with nature, with friends
Where I feel fully alive.

What if we all create a career around serving the choice to be rather than conforming?
What if we choose dreams, healing, and love always over scarcity and fear?
What if we give ourselves what we long to receive?
What if we stand in our truth and never settle or adapt to something that doesn't allow us to grow?

Perhaps it truly is as simple as "To be or not to be."
And if that's how simple it is:

Why not stand in Truth?
Why not create magic for yourself and others?

Why not dare to believe that God is with you?
Right there. He's got your back.

Down this path, vulnerability never wins.  Fear doesn't stand a chance.

What if we choose to be love?
What if we always choose in the moment,
The option that feels the most like love for ourselves,
That becomes the reflection of love for others.
Choosing love is selfless.

Choosing to live life as love out loud is Divine.

To be or not to be all of me,
Had become my question,
Until, it led me to my answer.

Just be.

In Truth & With Love,

Every now and again, when I feel stuck on a question, I will sit down with my journal and a fun colored pen and write.  I will write the question at the top of the page and then, without censoring, let my hand write whatever comes up.  Often the thoughts that pop from my mind to the paper make no sense in the context of the question.  Sometimes they do.  Almost always they lead me to an answer.

Last week, I had the question "What do I really want?" laid out in front of me.  Here's what landed in my journal fluffed up just a bit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We all seem to want abundance.

Truth is, that word, (in the way we usually define it)
Doesn’t feel attractive to me,
Right now.

Right now, I crave less.
Right now, I crave simplicity.

I want quiet.
I want space.
Clean surfaces.
Brilliant design.

I want no to do list.
An open schedule,
Room to move.

I want Freedom.
Connection.
Creation.

I want to surrender the struggle
And welcome play.

Perhaps, to discover,
A fresh sense of abundance,

Full of
More invitations to laugh,
More invitations to groove.
More invitations to be still and listen

For
My mission.
My purpose.

With
A team sharing common values,
A love for life,
And surprises!

I want to wake up in the morning untangled.
Ready to go.
Ready to join the flow of play and grace.

Filled with unconditional
Newly defined,
Abundant love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What do you really want? I'd love to know.

In Truth & With Love,

Just last week, I reflected upon a beautiful story of horses, flow, and magic carpets. I tapped into a lovely nirvana of perfection that lifted my sense of mind/body connection to a whole new level.

Sometimes there are inherent dangers in such a reflection.  Statements like the one below tend to return in bold italics, new fonts, with twinkling lights around them to deliver another lesson.

If I'd been in my head, instead of in my body, it would have been totally different.

You guessed it.  I got to experience with my body (oh yeah, my whole body) exactly how different it could be.

As Monday rolled around again, I confidently showed up for another ride. Ready to repeat last week's success, I was assigned the same ornery horse.

No problem. I've got this. I graduated to a new level last week.
I pulled my confidence up by its bootstraps and away we rode.
Up hills, down hills. In the flow.
Unrestrained by confined trails, there was a request to canter.
In an open field.
On an ornery horse.
(Did I mentioned that already?)

The magic carpet returned!  For about ten seconds.
Instead of floating, I hesitated just long enough to buy into a really little, heavy thought and my energy shifted.  There was a simultaneous unraveling of the magic and the carpet.

"Too fast!" I thought. "I must control this!"
That's all I remember.
She bucked once, then twice.
Suddenly, all that movement jarred to a halt with me to the ground and Dama looking at me from above as a horse will after successfully tossing her load.

“The hell with your control.”  I’m pretty sure that was her message.

After a body part inventory, catching my breath, and climbing back in the saddle, we were riding again. Our energies were so entangled. 

Looking back, I can see that I was still in a stunned, adrenalin induced fight or flight mode and disconnected.  Outwardly, I was trying to act cool and remain in control.  Inwardly, I just wanted to make it back to the barn alive. I was NOT listening to any of the cues my body was giving me.  Dama was ONLY listening to the cues my body was giving her.  It was quite the dance of dissonance between the two of us for a few minutes.

Then I heard the whisper: 
“Jennifer, get back in your body."
"Feel. Allow. What is it you want to do?”

All I wanted to do was cry.
Relieved that I wasn’t hurt.
Relieved that I was back on the horse.
And I wanted to admit that I was scared.
I surrendered and slow tears slid down my cheeks through a stream of release.

And just like that, Dama calmed down.

I was honest.  I was in my body. Even though I was crying and scared and not “in control,” I was fully present.

Now, she could trust me to lead.  

We rode on for another hour.  Not a magic carpet ride, but a calm ride of mutual respect.

In Truth & With Love,

photo credit: LSOphoto 

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself.  There are 30 days of prompts inspired by Ralph Waldo Emerson's Self-Reliance.   I am only posting my favorite of the week right now. There's nothing saying that I won't circle back and blog about a few more after the challenge is over.  If you want to read all of the prompts, click here.

Prompt:  Fear by Lachlan Cotter

These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed?

A little over two years ago, I walked through fear and left my job, the only industry within which I had experience, a good salary with bonus, 401K options, paid vacations and large chunk of my ego.  That fear did not stop me from taking sizable action steps to leading my fullest life.

However, I still work through a layer of fear every time I uncover and then express a bit more of my true self.

So, "No!"  It is not stopping me.  It does leave me frozen in my tracks quite often.  But never permanently.

Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following: Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?

Of course not!

On the other hand, dissolving the belief systems that caused the insecurity are part of the discovery process that leads to full self expression.  Grace and love are felt when I realize that defending my true soulful actions is not necessary.  Joy is even more joyous in contrast to the pain of feeling insecure in who I really am.

Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?

The blunder, itself, will not matter.

What I make the blunder mean absolutely matters.

When I define myself based on the mistake, I limit my ability to move forward because I'm swimming in a story of failure and end up spending time to rebuild my confidence.  That's wasted energy that will not matter down the road.

When I allow the "miss" to guide progress, then the experience of it really might impact the future.  If I didn't make the blunder, I would not have found what did not work.  I would not have learned.  I would not have moved past that point.

Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?

I can be comfortable, sheltered, employed, surrounded by others, busy, respected by peers and good at what I do.  I've had all that and not been happy.

Which reminds me of a conversation with someone I love dearly the other day.  After I posted something on Facebook, he suggested that most of my friends probably thought I had fallen off the deep end.

My initial response was "I don't care."

Truthfully, though, I cared in that moment.  It stung.  It was a reactionary response and a quick way to mask my insecurity.  There was fear of not being accepted for the "me" that I'm discovering after many, many years of conforming to what I perceived to be the acceptable societal standards.

Then my husband (I love that man!) asked a brilliant question.  Paraphrased, it went something like:  "Isn't it more fun in the deep end?"

Why, yes, as a matter of fact, it is.

Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.

In Truth & With Love,

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself.  There are 30 days of prompts inspired by Ralph Waldo Emerson's Self-Reliance.   If you want to receive the daily prompts via e-mail, sign up here.

This has The Truth Experience written all over it!  I’m a few days late, but am in!

Prompt #1

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.

1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.
2. Write the story that has to be written.

Frozen. That’s my initial brain state.  I’ve come to find that it happens a lot.  I skip right past the fight/flight response when put on the spot like this and go straight to the freeze part.  Or maybe my body freezes, but my psyche leaves the building altogether.  Who really knows?  The cool thing is that I now know when it happens and can bring myself back relatively quickly.

But that’s not the story that has to be written.

It is debunking the untrue story that caused the freeze that appeals to me as a better story.

With no prompt staring me in the face, the #Trust30 challenge looks fun!  It is, after all, what The Truth Experience is all about.  Until I opened the first writing prompt.  On-the-spot-must-look-profound-and-enlightened. Go! Be brilliant! Time Starts Now!  Freezer pop in the heat of summer I became.

Why?

I should have a tantalizing story to tell.

To stack up against the rest of the writers out there, it must be memorable.  Deathbed memorable.

Then I realized it is not fear of looking unenlightened or unpoetic.

It’s because I simply would not be writing if I only had fifteen more minutes here. My brain doesn’t want to go internal and poetic in a time like this.  Totally unnatural.  Moreover, I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to be untethered from my computer anyway.  I damn sure don’t want to pass to the other side sitting here!

Which reminded me…

My husband and I were at the horse stables this morning and one of the volunteers was explaining to another that the halters were hung next to each stall in a certain way so that they would be easy to grab to put on the horse in case of a fire.  I looked at one of the horses and I'm pretty sure we both laughed.  I imagined the barn on fire and how the horse would NOT stand around waiting to be haltered any more than I would be typing on this keyboard in that situation.  We would pull the stall doors open and everyone would run.

There would be no writing prompts or perfect prose.  There would be natural, whole body, full-on presence in that moment.

This prompt to write in my last fifteen minutes felt like some strange authority saying “but wait, dear, you must have your halter on before leaving the burning barn.”  Unable to fight or flee, my psyche pulled the stall doors open, disengaged from the body being held back and soared off to safety.

Outside.  To my connection with God.  Away from strange authority, timers and social conformity to where my truth ran free.

So now, unfrozen, I ponder what I would do if not write.  It seems quite simple.  I would make sure my daughter, son, husband and other loved ones had their stall doors open too.  Like the horses, we would band together with our herd and the others in our community.

Looking at each other, stripped of ego, all simply human, not afraid of each other, but helping in whatever way we could to provide comfort, love and support in that moment.

That seems to be the natural order of things.  It’s the story that makes sense to me right now.

In Truth & With Love,

As we’ve discussed, there are lots of reasons why our subconscious minds might not want to lose weight.  For a refresher, you can click HERE or HERE to read about that.

But what do we do after we’ve worked through those things and really, really, REALLY (it takes three) want to become healthier?  If there is no dieting or grapefruit only meal plans… how do we get there?

The short answer:  Start acting in each moment as if you were already there in mind, body and spirit.

I hear you:  “Bullfeathers.  If it were that simple, we’d all be there by now.”

Sit with that concept for a minute, though.  It isn’t simple.  It is whole.

It involves developing compassion toward yourself as you are right now, faith in your body and patience for time and healing. Most importantly, it involves loving yourself here while being able to see yourself there.

It also is bigger than one blog post.  For starters, though, we'll start with...

There

Where the heck is “there” for you anyway?

In order to start acting as if there is where you are, a clear picture is in order, don’t you think?

Here’s a start on how to get one and what to do with it.

Energize, Rest and Relax.

Last week we talked about replacing things that deplete with things that energize. One obvious “miss” on the list of energizers was allowing rest and relaxation.  Rest is so important to our health, happiness and sanity that it deserves (and will get) separate conversation.

Being energized, yet rested and in a state of relaxation, is the only place future visualization can happen effectively.  Without this, the heck with the future, I’m just trying to make it through the day.

Visualize

In this relaxed state, carve out some time and ask yourself these questions:

• Why do I really, really, REALLY want to lose weight and become healthier?
• What do I see for myself when I hit this goal?
• What do I look like, what am I doing and how do I feel when I am there?

Tip:  This does not include moving away from your vision in the mirror or following the directive of a doctor, parent, spouse or peers.   Running from what you don’t like or relying on someone else's vision might get you there… but it won’t be easy or permanent.

Spend some time with your future self.  Visualize until you fall into inspiration with that vision.

Why?  If you don’t like your future self when you meet her in your mind, why in the world would you be motivated to become her? Just sayin’.

Softly Focus

Once you have that vision, soften your focus on the details of what you want.

Yes.  I said soften and not sharpen.

Why?  Because if you stay sharply focused on the future, you’ll miss your life here and now.  It takes acting with compassion, faith and love now in order to get there in physical reality.

Keeping a soft focus means visualizing your future self in detail for long enough to really feel the feelings of being there.  Then back away from the details, but keep that feeling state as you manifest your day.  Having those feelings now (pride, strength, self confidence) will inspire you to make the best choices in the moment to move in the direction of your dreams.

There won't get you happiness.  Happiness will get you there.

Trust

In the place of soft focus, trust in your body and in your vision to give you guideposts on how to maintain this feeling state.  Your body will never, ever lie to you when you really listen to the messages that it is sending in relation to that clean vision.

At first this might mean trusting and honoring your hunger, your fullness and your health.  It might mean trusting that your body won’t break if you choose to play football in the yard with the kids.  Who knows?  It's your vision to create.

Trust in your vision.  Love yourself here and stay in that feeling state.  It will take you there.

In Truth & With Love,

There’s a great paradox with being human.

We’re all innately different, born with God given strengths, talents and little annoying quirks.  We’re tall, short, gay, straight, male, female, over or under weight, have different colors of eyes, hair and skin.  Each one of us has our contribution for the world that is as individual as we are.

Yet we yearn to fit in and are sometimes urged to “conform.”  We often think we have to twist our essential selves to mirror the “societal norm.”  We starve ourselves to be thin, work in a career that we loathe, pretend to be someone we are not.

This instinct, in itself, is normal.  It is a primal urge for us to want to be accepted.  Hundreds of years ago, exclusion from the tribe meant being exiled into the wilderness and possible physical (and definitely emotional) starvation.  Being accepted played a big part in survival.

In today’s world, teenagers move away from their families at will to go to college and people move across the world for their careers.  The primal need to belong, however, remains wired in our brains and drives our self esteem, our actions and our lives just as if our survival depends on it.  In fact, the health of our emotional life does depend on being accepted and being able to mutually give and receive love.

Therefore, being ourselves is sometimes hard. Especially when the truth means that you might seem different than what the rest of your family or friends deem to be acceptable.

It makes it even harder for our kids these days when mean-hearted, misguided bullies taunt and badger those who seem to be the slightest bit different.

I’m a mom and have spent some time this week watching “It Gets Better” videos with my high school daughter.   These videos have been prompted by the saddening rash of suicides among gay teens who have been tormented to the point that life is no longer preferable over death.  Regardless of whether the harassment is over race, gender, clique or sexual preference, we both agree that bullying is simply not cool.

On the other hand, accepting and showing compassion for ourselves and others for the beautiful individuals that we are is extremely cool.

The video below is the one that touched us both to tears.  Please take the time to watch this, talk to your kids about compassion, pass it along to those who need it, and give thanks that people like Joel Burns chose to stay in this world.

In Truth & With Love,

That is such a great question.

Especially when you have a dream, aspiration or goal you want to meet.

I heard Dr. Kevin Polk ask a version of this question in a teleseminar a few months ago.  It became my all time favorite “great question” when I’m debating whether to eat the chocolate stashed in the sock drawer or go on a walk.

“Given what is important to you, what are you willing to do and experience to move you in that direction in this moment?”

“Given what is important to you”

Truthfully important to you.  Not a “should” or a “have to” type of thing.  Not what is important to your loved ones, your doctor or society in general.  What is important to you and in alignment with your mission, vision and values?  Where do you want to go?  What do you want to achieve?

“What are you willing to do”

What action or behavior are you willing to take, try or tweak?  This might involve risk.  How much are you willing to take?

“And experience”

What are the thoughts and feelings around that action?  What are you willing to really experience with all five senses?

“To move you in that direction”

What is a step that will close that gap between where you are and where you want to be?  A turtle step is plenty.

“In this moment.”

Not yesterday or tomorrow.  Now.

I used this question just this morning.

I’m on a mission to become physically, mentally and spiritually as healthy as I can possibly be.  There’s work to be done in this world and being healthy to help others is important to me.

This morning I was willing to walk a new greenway for an hour.  It was a gorgeous experience and I was more than willing to feel the crisp cool breeze and walk on the winding path between the trees.

I’ve thought about walking that greenway every morning for a month when I cross over it (twice) taking my daughter to school.  Yet for some reason, it wasn’t the right time.  (Or I had the right excuse.  Whichever.)  This morning, in the moment, I decided to walk.

In thinking about this, the only times I do choose the stash of chocolate is when I am not in the moment, feeling very ungrounded or when I am spending my time on something that is truly not important to me.  Thinking that I “should” act and experience something that isn’t my truth rarely helps anyone.

I am willing to do and experience more things that will move me in the direction of my truth.

How about you?

Given what is important to you, what are you willing to do and experience to move you in that direction in this moment?

In Truth & With Love,

Yes, you read that right.

Why do you NOT want to lose weight?

This is not a trick question.  This question is even more important than why you DO.  The answer to this question may just be the key to turning your inner saboteur into an ally rather than a debate partner.

One common reason is survival.

When we repeatedly monkey with deprivation diets to lose weight, we train our brains to recognize the signals of impending hunger and starvation.  Being the highly intelligent beings that we are, our automatic survival instincts kick in and no bag of Halloween candy stands a chance.  After time, just the expectation of being deprived triggers a physiological response and we forage like a lion facing a wildabeast shortage.

This is called "famine brain" and it will always outplay, outsmart and undo any plan to diet by deprivation and willpower.  We were not created to starve ourselves.

We were created to nourish ourselves.

So how do we prevent famine brain AND lose weight?

• Get connected with your body.
• Listen for the cues of physical hunger.
• Consistently honor that call with foods that make you feel good before, during and after you eat them.

Your mind and body will begin to trust that there is no famine in the near future, allow you to stop eating when you are physically sated and then release some of the stored fuel it was saving for the next time of crisis.

Notice this is asking you to stay motivated to eat.  Sounds very non-dietish doesn’t it?

Another sabotage reason might be buried in your beliefs.

I love Sonia Simone’s blog post titled “The Complete Flake’s Guide to Getting Things Done.” (Not that I’m suggesting you are a flake!)

I especially like this part:

As a flake, your unconscious is very good at protecting you from things you don’t want. If you don’t feel like moving kinda-sorta in the direction of your thing, there’s something about it you don’t want.

A great flake technique is to say something to yourself along the line of:
OK, unconscious mind, gigantic pain in the ass that you are, thanks for keeping me from doing something I don’t want to do. Could you do me one more favor and let me know what about it I don’t like? Thanks.

Be gentle with yourself and ponder.  The answer will come if you do not already know it.  Many people find that their essential self is actually protecting them from something.

The act of self-sabotage is not losing motivation, but being essentially motivated to move in the opposite direction.

Why would you want to lose weight if you believe:

• The fat on my body keeps me safe.  It protects me from relationships and heartbreak.
• Cookies are my only true, reliable friend.  I have no joy without them.
• If I’m skinny, I might not be able to control my inner vixen.
• Being thin brings on unwanted male attention and gets me in trouble.
• If I’m thin, I might get up the nerve to leave my husband/wife/partner.
• If I’m thin, my filthy minded uncle might touch me inappropriately again.

And one of my old subconscious ruts:  If I’m not overweight, what could I blame failure on if I branch out and try new things?

This is big stuff and is often thought “too taboo” to say out loud.  I invite you to say it, write it, sing it, meditate about it or walk it out.  Just please don’t eat it.  The act of stuffing it down might be what is keeping it out of the light so you can see it for the lie that it is.

Love yourself and find a way to let these lies go.

Your whole being will then believe and honor the reasons why you DO want to reach your natural weight.

So say it out loud with me and see what comes up:    "Why do I NOT want to lose weight?"

In Truth & With Love,